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Apr. 8th, 2009

Clockwork Bart

Rock Star 101

15 years today... "Nevermind" will be twenty years old in a couple years....


At least we don't see Cobain's face on cheap merchandise!

Hopefully, Courtney was able to afford a few more Botox shots with this license.

Mar. 17th, 2009


(no subject)

You're Welcome.

Jan. 11th, 2009



If "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" warms your heart, makes you think about the meaning of life, love and our place in the world it's because you've seen it before.

It was called "Forrest Gump".

No. Seriously.

--There's a main character who's born with an affliction that happens to be a good thing in the end (Forrest is 'slow' and Button has that whole reverse-aging thing).

--Both have an idealized woman that weaves in and out of their respective protagonists lives, with which both are TRAGICALLY DOOMED to NEVER BE TOGETHER.

--In both, the protagonists go through stereotypically iconic events. (In "Button": "It must be the 1950's, Brad Pitt is wearing a leather jacket!"), although "Gump" was more comical, I suppose.

--Both have a sea-captain figure that guides them through an important part in the life. WTF?

--Both have children and are worried that they will be CURSED with their affliction. Both children are not affected.

--Both have tear-jerker endings that make us appreciate the sweet gift of life.

But only one has a subplot about Hurricane Katrina! You'll have to guess which one!

Post-Script: Upon coming home from the movies, I checked IMDB.com and it turns out that Eric Roth, the screenwriter of "Benjamin Button", also penned "Forrest Gump". D'oh!

Post-Post-Script: "Yes Man" and "Liar Liar" are the same movie too.

Post-Post-Script: "The Unborn" and "The Uninvited"?

Nov. 25th, 2008


What The Hell.

I don't care what all of these pop culture critics say; Beach Boys "Pet Sounds" is not that great.

Aug. 5th, 2008

ryan polaroid

(no subject)


I AM white.


Since this list was written by white people it doesn't really count. It would have to be written by Western-educated Chinese or Pakistani.

Too bad.

Aug. 4th, 2008

ryan polaroid

My Loose Packet-Full of SweetNLow Has Arrived in the Mail!

It's not much of a surprise that America's WAR ON TERROR (which has, and always will be printed in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS) was a scam, nor is it all that surprising that the anthrax scare that had people afraid of their mailboxes was the act of a disgruntled American. Even worse, it seems par for the course that our Friendly Global Media made it seem as though Iraqis-from-Pakistan-that vacationed-in-North-Korea were responsible.

Why, then, am I surprised that television news spent fifteen seconds on the story and most importantly, the culprit has conveniently killed himself?

Jul. 26th, 2008


Have Gravel Voice: Will Travel

Read more...Collapse )

Jul. 21st, 2008


Dark Knight

Strangely enough, after all the buzz, viral campaigns, hype over the (accidental?) death of one of it's co-stars, and box-office numbers that should only cover the advertising costs for the film, the best one-sentence film review I can think of comes out of the ghost of that latter co-star, seemingly from beyond the grave:

"It's not about money. It's about sending a message."

Jul. 5th, 2008

ryan polaroid

Better Late Than Never

"Most of the cultural crimes I talk about can be blamed on the "Baby Boomers", another topic I'm tired of hearing about. The Baby Boomers... Whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "GIMME IT! IT'S MINE!"

These people were given everything. Everything was handed to them and they took it all. Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll. They stayed loaded for twenty years and had a free ride. Now they're staring down the barrel of middle-aged burnout, and they don't like it so they turn self-righteous. They want to make things harder on younger people. They tell them: abstain from sex, say no to drugs, and as for Rock N Roll, they sold them to television commercials a long time ago, so they could buy pasta machines, Stair-Masters and soy bean futures.

They are cold, bloodless people. It's in their slogans. It's in their rhetoric. "No Pain, No Gain". "Just Do It". "Life Is Short, Play Hard". "Shit Happens, Deal With It". "Get A Life"... These people went from "Do Your Own Thing" to "Just Say No". They went from "Love Is All You Need" to "Whoever Ends Up With The Most Toys Wins". They went from cocaine to Rogaine. They are still counting grams, only now it's fat grams.

The worst of it is that the rest of us have to watch these commercials on TV for Levi's Loose-Fitting Jeans and Fat-Ass Docker pants. Because these degenerate, Yuppie, Boomer cocksuckers couldn't keep their hands off the croissants and the Haugen Daz.

Fuck these Boomers. Fuck these Yuppies

And fuck everybody, now that I think of it."

--George Carlin, 1996

Jul. 1st, 2008



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